Death By Spoon
by CardboardCreative
Summary: How many accidents will it take before Galinda learns foreign objects do not belong in her mouth? A present for GothPhantom's birthday.  Musicalverse and extremely cooky.


Disclaimer: **I'm starting a charity fund so that I can make enough money to buy the rights to Wicked. So far there's fifteen cents, that should cover Fiyero.**

Note: **TODAY IS GOTHPHANTOM'S BIRTHDAY! Make sure to wish her well, she pretends to hate it, but we all know she wants a few birthday beats. I am in no way proud of this oneshot (unedited, unfunny, unintelligent), but I dedicate it to GothPhantom and her spoon... because she keeps shoving it down her throat and telling me about it.**

-

"Galinda, you're going to choke," Elphaba said politely, flickering her eyes to the blonde on the other side of the room for an instant, before returning to the pages of her book.

Night fell upon Shiz University with a cold flash, winds hammering the windowpanes forcefully to spread a chill through the room. Elphaba slipped her feet beneath her bed sheets as she read, hands resting on either side of the book, concentrating deeply. It was only when she heard a slight gag from the bed adjacent to hers did the green girl pause.

"I'm not doing anything wrong," Galinda replied, creasing her eyebrows lightly as she peered over to her roommate, momentarily popping the spoon out of her mouth. "I'm eating ice cream."

"You _were_ eating ice cream," corrected the green girl, gazing into the book as she spoke. She flickered her gaze again, this time towards the clock near the doorway, "ten minutes ago."

"Surely not ten minutes!" the blonde cried, swinging the shovel of the spoon back into her mouth.

"Where did you acquire ice cream at this hour, anyway?" Elphaba asked, pushing her feet further into the bed sheets, until her ankles were no longer visible.

"The same way you bring apples back here all day long," said Galinda happily. She was lying on her stomach with her legs in the air, kicking the small appendages wildly

"You're growing an ice cream tree?" Elphaba raised a long, dark eyebrow curiously, her sight abandoning the book. Galinda hesitated kicking her legs and shot the green girl an incredulous glare.

"D'you think I could grow one of those if I pass sorcery?" she wondered aloud.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" Elphaba asked.

"That would depend on whether I wanted you to give me an candid answer, wouldn't it?"

"If you took that blasted spoon out of your mouth, could I then understand what you're saying?" the green girl enquired with irritation.

"I wonder how long we can keep up conversing entirely in questions?" Galinda kept the spoon in her mouth, gazing over at her roommate intently.

"Galinda, that wasn't a question," Elphaba said flatly. "That was an observation with a question mark at the end, and quite frankly, this conversation is beginning to exasperate me."

The blonde's expression fell into one of dismay, her bottom lip poking out from beneath the spoon's handle as she peered at Elphaba, who had already returned to reading. She wanted to shout at the green girl about how that was an unfair remark, and now her silence was distressing the blonde, instead clamping down on the spoon.

Minutes passed as Galinda grated her teeth against the cutlery, thinking about the green girl contemptuously. There wasn't a fire crackling in the inglenook, and the blonde began to regret eating ice cream for how cold she was now.

"I would ask you to light a fire, but it could 'exasperate' you," she growled suddenly, face scrunched up and spoon muffling her speech.

Elphaba took a sharp breath and closed her book, wedging a single, spidery finger in place. "If you're upset by my doing, that was never the intention," she looked over at the blonde, hoping it was apology enough.

"Well, now I am cold, Elph-" the blonde could not finish her sentence, as the spoon in her mouth made its way to her throat as she spoke the green girl's name. She gagged, wide eyes watering, hurriedly wrapping her small fingers around the spoon's handle and yanking it from her throat.

"I told you so," the green girl smiled, amused at the blonde's reaction.

"You're really setting me off tonight!" hollered Galinda, breathing hard, hand over the hollow of her throat protectively. "I could have died, you know!"

"Death by spoon," Elphaba mused, tucking a collection of inky black hair behind a peculiarly pointed ear. "Suffice to say, I would spend the rest of my existence with low self esteem because you died trying to pronounce my name."

"You're being sarcastic again," huffed Galinda.

"Observant!"

"You can be really mean sometimes," pouted the blonde, crossing her arms and facing away from the green girl, wanting to shield her from the view of tears that threatened to fall.

Elphaba blinked, and then placed her book on the bed, untucking her lanky legs and swinging them off the mattress. "_And_… if you happened to die, every night," she picked up the black, pointed hat on her desktop and sat down on the edge of Galinda's fluffy bed, "I would cradle this to my chest and miss you terribly."

Glinda stopped huffing and looked at Elphaba, who was already watching her with a genuinely adoring expression that the blonde could never find herself wishing ill on. So long as Elphaba didn't pout or widen her eyes cutely, in the fashion Galinda did when there was something she wanted, it was this very expression that served as substitute. The green girl's face was relaxed, her lips parted slightly, and her intense gaze fixed directly into Galinda's as though nothing else existed.

"I was planning on being angry at you all night," confessed the blonde helplessly. Elphaba smiled, thin lips curling over to expose her teeth, pulling one of Galinda's hands away from her chest and bringing her lips down on the knuckle.

"The day you remain angry at me all night is the day I dress completely in pink."

"Be careful what you assume," Galinda raised her eyebrows and smirked. "One day Hatty might be dyed pink… with no possible explanations as to how he became that way."

"Er… Hatty?" Elphaba beckoned, raising a hand to Galinda's forehead, checking for fever.

"You know… Mister Hat!" she giggled, extending her index finger to the hat in Elphaba's lap, pointing upwards in a slight curve. Elphaba looked down at the trilby, and then back at Galinda.

"You named my hat?"

"He named himself, my goodness, Elphie," the blonde shook her head with disappointment, hips swaying back and forth until her entire body began to wiggle. The sugar surging through her bloodstream began to take effect, and she laughed at Elphaba's blank expression, raising the spoon again. "And this is Mister Spoon!" she grinned, sticking it into her mouth.

"It would seem you and Mister Spoon share an intimate relationship," Elphaba observed, watching as the shovel disappeared into Galinda's mouth, as well as the curve of its neck and the majority of the handle. "As your friend, I would advise you to be careful in such a trusting marriage, as it is widely known that Spoons strangle their mates."

Galinda smiled gleefully, metal shining from in between her lips, and pointed to Elphaba, who had since stood to return her hat to the desktop. "You married a hat!" she squealed, pointing childishly.

"Seriously, Galinda, stop sticking that thing down your throat or you'll choke again. Even children learn after a single incident," Elphaba muttered, adjusting herself back on the bed and opening her book, sliding her feet back under the sheets. She didn't flip through the pages to resume her reading, but merely memorized the number and concentrated immediately.

Galinda frowned at her friend's indifference, then laid down to kick her legs, waggling them back and forth with boredom. She rested her chin in both of her hands, thinking on something to do while twirling the spoon around in her mouth.

"Elphie," she began after several minutes, ignoring the green girl as she failed to hide a cringe. "What colour is your underwear?"

"I beg your pardon?" the green girl looking up from the stained pages of the volume, her jaw slackened slightly.

"Silly girl, you needn't beg me for anything," giggled the blonde. "I said, your underwear: what colour is it?"

"I shouldn't have stood by while you ingested sugar after curfew," Elphaba shook her head, repeatedly, and nimbly striking it on opened book.

"Mine is pink!" Galinda wiggled, chomping happily on the spoon's neck. "And frilly! And if you turn your hips ever so slightly in- Elphaba? You're not listening to me," the blonde sulked. "Elph-"

The spoon was lodged in her throat again, garrotting her airway as she gasped for oxygen. It came out as a strangled attempt for breathing, and she clawed at her neck, retching slightly against the spoon. Elphaba was watching with a mild expression, not exactly concerned, more so interested in how much longer it would take for the blonde to realize she just had to remove the spoon from her mouth.

"Don't swallow it," she encouraged.

The blonde pulled the spoon from her mouth, sputtering and taking in deep breaths. Her pretty, delicate facial features crinkled with anger as she glared at her roommate.

"I could have just died again, and you're sitting there and laughing at me!" she wailed, thumping her fists on the bed covers. "Elphie, stop laughing at me!"

Elphaba balled her bony fingers into a fist and brought it to her mouth, shaking with silent laughter, eyes trained on Galinda's utterly ridiculous expression and circumstance.

"Death by spoon!" shrieked the green girl, unable to hold in her hilarity anymore.

The blonde grumbled darkly, sitting up and reaching out for a lacy pillowcase. She stood on her bare feet, two pillows in hand, and advanced menacingly towards her roommate.

"You were choking on a _spoon_!" Elphaba shielded herself as best she could, book outstretched, shaking too vehemently with laughter to do anything else. "No, no, not my fac- _auhh_!"

-

**Me:** **-points****- Oh look, a plot!**  
**Random Monkey:** **-looks around wildly-** **Where?**  
**Me:** **-slaps knee-** **Heh hahh, made you look.**


End file.
